From ghosting to constructive feedback: how to change communication mode

19 August 2024 From ghosting to constructive feedback: how to change communication mode

To move from ghosting to constructive feedback, it is important to understand how these two modes of communication take place and how it is much more effective to learn to express oneself clearly, reducing the risk of misunderstandings and misinterpretations.  

Definition of ghosting

Studies define ghosting as a passive-aggressive form of communication which completely avoids reciprocity and leaves the other person in doubt and uncertainty after initial contact and exchange of information.

Often this mode of communication and behaviour is dictated by the fear of facing difficult situations and by the fact of not knowing how to handle the emotions that may arise from the communication.

The recurring thought in these cases is: "How the other person will react to the news?" So avoidance or escape is the easiest and most immediate thing to do.

It is worth mentioning here 2 key concepts:

1. The act of 'not communicating' also communicates, leading to negative and damaging effects on reputation and esteem;
2. it is one's own behaviour, what one can have control over - not the other person's thoughts or actions, and it is on one's own behaviour that one needs to work.

One of the possible solutions to avoid ghosting is to learn to give constructive feedback.

How digital communication has affected ghosting

Ghosting is a phenomenon that is becoming more and more widespread due to the influence of social media, and raises important issues related to transparency in interpersonal and work relationships.

Indeed, digital platforms and tools offer a level of anonymity that can encourage behaviour that people in reality would avoid.

The physical distance created by screens also makes it easier to interrupt or avoid a conversation without having to deal with the immediate consequences, and the deletion of a contact or messages are actions that take seconds and are therefore very easy to perform.

Constructive feedback instead of ghosting

The opposite of ghosting, it is a constructive feedback, i.e. the one that provides clear and specific information on the situationIt creates an environment of trust and respect, and possibly suggests what can be improved in the situation.

[Read also Open communication: 3rd strategic investment]

Constructive feedback helps to clearly define the expectations of both parties, reducing the risk of misunderstandings and misinterpretations, and provides an opportunity to address and resolve any problems effectively, preventing them from accumulating and leading to a breakdown in communication.

Not to mention that it is a way of showing real interest in the other person.

7 actions for effective constructive feedback

To give a constructive feedback requires openness and preparationand, fortunately, one can train on these two aspects.

Here, then are 7 actions to provide constructive feedback:

1. Asking permissionFeedback is always anticipated by this request, which serves to define and share the space in a respectful manner.
2. Getting readyBefore giving feedback, you should think about what you want to communicate and choose the right words, not to confuse, but to make sure you are understood.
3. Deciding the right time on both sides: it is crucial to create a serene and distraction-free environment to have a constructive and focused conversation.
4. Focusing on the objective situation, not on the person: in describing and defining the objective situation, focus on specific actions and their effects.
5. Using the first personTo express what one feels or perceives individually in the situation, before making any demands on the other person.
6. Proposing solutionsCreativity and openness to hypotheses that broaden perspectives and alternatives help to move towards beneficial insights.
7. Active listening: After giving feedback, it is important to listen to the other person's response and try to understand their point of view.  

In my experience as a coach I often provide constructive feedback on aspects that I find useful to give back to prompt the other person's reflection, and I also take a certain amount of care in following the cues I have described, especially the 1st one.

Conclusion: changing from ghosting to constructive feedback is possible

Constructive feedback is a two-way process: both parties must be willing to listen, understand, and act on the information received.

Feedback always concerns managing a relationship - business or personal - and that is why giving feedback can be difficult.

Openly communicating one's expectations is crucial to building a relationship of trust and mutual respect, and allows avoid situations of ambiguity and uncertainty.

Thank you for reading this article.

Have you ever tried to give constructive feedback?

If you need help on how to provide constructive feedback, contact me without obligation for a free consultation.

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To continue the reflections on feedback, this time from the perspective of the receiver, you can also read:

Feedback: the key to receiving feedback effectively